12 weeks. 2 months & 23 days into being a mama.
It feels like it was just yesterday that I was holding her in this week 1 photo, 7 days into her life. I was exhausted, scared, my body in pain, but happier than ever. It was a sunny day and first week of August. Jason and I were both home on parental leave. We had just finished eating a big breakfast of fruit, juice and egg sandwiches as we did every morning for those glorious three weeks and were getting ready to take our girl out and show her downtown Minneapolis. Those were the days! Fast forward, and we are now in week 12 and my last day of maternity leave. How did the time fly by so quickly? The last week of my maternity leave was miserable and I wish I could rewind time and do it all over. I was on edge every day, constantly crying and Vesna, who seemingly could sense the tension was frustrated and refusing to take the bottle from my parents who were going to be taking over as her primary caretakers. I cried, contemplated quitting my job scared that she won't eat or even let my parents hold her.
I just wrapped up my first short week of work and am grateful now more than ever for the next four days that I get to spend with my girl. We both survived week 1. Day 1 was the hardest and I balled my eyes out the whole way to work and while saying goodbye. I received so many texts and emails that cheered me up over the day and had never been more excited to go home and find her and her daddy waiting for me at the front door. Vesna ended up taking the bottle from my parents (not as much as she usually eats) but at least she didn't go hungry and was overall a happy baby. Hopefully our girl gets used to the bottle and continues to eat and remain our big dunda and in the 97th percentile for weight, but I am afraid she's already starting to lose her chunkiness. On top of being tired from the lack of sleep, getting used to pumping at work was also hard as I missed that special intimate connection I had with her and I could already sense that she was starting to distance herself when I tried to breastfeed her after work. I really wish we had better parental leave in this country as 3 months is not enough time and I already miss the special bond I had with my girl that will now never be the same.
My parents (or as I like to call them, our Bosnian au pairs ha!) started keeping a diary of her daily activities. Below are some highlights of her second day that just made my day: