Dear Daughter: Happy 1st Trip Around the Sun

My dearest V,
They say Vesna, pronounced VEHS-nah, is an ancient Slavic goddess of Spring, born to bring happiness and luck. And in the past year you have brought us an immeasurable amount of joy, luck and happiness in a time when the world is hurting and when we could all use a little hope. You are our light and hope, and my motivation to work hard every single day. 
​

​Our little journey began on Friday, July 26 of 2019 at exactly 11:01am, the moment we first met. It may not have been the way I imagined us meeting, a quick few seconds through a plastic curtain as they quickly rushed you away. Once they were done, they brought you over to me, but my whole body was shaking violently unable to hold you close in the operating room. Once in recovery, and though still visibly shaking, I held you somewhat awkwardly as you immediately latched on to my breast while your dad fed me ice cubes. The next thing I remember vividly is getting wheeled to our hospital room, with you in my arms snuggled up perfectly and me trying to hold back tears. That was the moment it finally hit me – I am someone’s mama, YOUR mama. Next thing I remember is being so incredibly tired, but unable to sleep as all I could do was stare at you as you laid in your little bassinet next to me. When it came time to leave the hospital, we did so reluctantly, afraid to go on this new journey not knowing anything, but you held my index finger tightly the whole car ride home as if to reassure me that everything was going to be just fine.

​And boy, did the first year go by quickly. Though I took a million pictures and videos of this past year, I hope my memory won’t fail me and that I will always be able to recall and remember the countless precious moments we got to experience this past year. 

• From the first few sunny and warm summer months of being at home with you, spending every day snuggled up together as one and singing songs to you every morning. Songs that you now happily clap and smile to as if you recall them too.
• The sleepless nights I spent breastfeeding and rocking you (all while crying numerous times from how sleep deprived, I was). I still recall the nurse scolding me for letting you take an hour to nurse as you’d suck then fall asleep then suck again repeating for an hour,  which meant I only had one hour to rest before you were hungry again, but I didn’t care – I knew that that’s what you needed at that time and somehow I did too, though I was glad when you finally no longer needed food as often and when you started sleeping through the night at 11 months.
• The countless naps we took together cozied up next to one another.
• Your first smile, coo, lift of your head and roll over. 
• Your first laugh, when you started to sit up on your own, then when you started to crawl, then pull up to stand and crawl up the stairs. 
• Your deep hearted and sincere laugh when I am doing something silly or chasing after you.
• Every night spent hanging out on the bed reading story time books.
• The first time we fed you baby food and then real food and how now you eat like a champ. 
• When you learned how to wave and now you wave at absolutely everyone and you have me walk you down to the intersection, so you can wave to passing cars and most of the time, people smile so big and wave back enthusiastically.
• When you learned to play hide and seek, first by watching me and giggling, then by lifting a blanket up to your head and now by covering your eyes with the back of your hands and doing it repeatedly. Each time precious as the last.
• When you start to jump, dance and sway every time I play or sing your favorite song.
• You had your first holidays, first music classes, first trip on a plane, and a first modeling gig. 
• But you also had a first world pandemic and civil unrest – everything you will learn and read about one day.

​And me – well I learned that you do everything on your own time. You love to charm people with either your big gummy and squinty eye smile or now a slight smirk. I learned to see the world through your eyes, and everything suddenly feels amazing. 

And your dad – you and your daddy have become partners in crime. You spend your weekdays together and I love overhearing you two talk, laugh and listen to music while I work in another room. With him by your side, you will grow to be an independent and confident woman.

Over the past week, I watched you as you slept, realizing you are not going to be my baby forever. And now that day has come. Though you are now embarking on toddler-hood, do know that you will forever be my little baby. 

You are O N E year old! Happy birthday, my beautify little girl.

Love, Mama